Jason Bourne: It’s OK, I Guess

I know who I am. I remember everything.

Jason Bourne. I love Bourne. I’m one of those suckers that owns all the special editions. I truly believe he would kick James Bond and Ethan Hunt‘s asses in a fight without gadgets, because c’mon, do you even know Jason Bourne? Of course he would. This guy is a master at kicking ass. Resourcefully kicking ass. Like self sustainable kicking ass. There’s no Q and no sensual lady sidekicks for this guy, he’s very much stuck at fighting whatever he’s fighting, I’m not even sure at this point, on his own. It’s that kind of kicking ass you can actually, sort of, mostly not really, but you know, believe.

My endless appreciation for Matt Damon is a well known, extensively reported affair. He’s a great professional, a lovable guy and a gifted storyteller. His endless appreciation for Paul Greengrass is also a well known, extensively reported affair. And it’s not like we can complain about their partnership. Or any partnership between Damon and anybody else in the planet, be it a labor of love, Ben, or hate, Jimmy, he pulls it off like it’s nobody’s business and he has my full support for every single endeavor he decides to come up with. Be it to buy a zoo or go to Mars, if Matt Damon is in, I’m in.

Reboots. I don’t love reboots. You already know that. You also know I’m a firm believer in classics or at least of the art of «letting good things stay good things» instead of trying to milk them to the bone so they become sort of OK things and you can’t help but feel they left the good things tainted. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against reboots, remakes or sequels or prequels or whatever. I’m against unnecessary reboots, remakes or sequels or prequels or whatever. And I do mean unnecessary by my standards, the standards of the moviegoer, because, at the same time, I can understand they must be quite necessary for some studios/producers, or at least convenient, I get it, money makes the world go round, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. This is very much the case of Bourne number 4. (Let’s just forget we had this chapter with Jeremy Renner)

It’s unnecessary. Not necessarily because we don’t need further explanation on the entire Bourne situation or because we’ve had enough Damon/Bourne. Just because it’s not really adding a thing to what we had before. I’m fine with reboots when they’re about stepping up the game, a feat this movie does not achieve. It’s just another Bourne. And that was precisely the sentence I feared I would have under my tongue coming out of this movie. I wanted more. I didn’t get it. I’m not pissed. I’m just not impressed. Which might be even worse.

Alicia Vikander is there. She plays the most annoying character this franchise has ever had, I think. She’s just such a pretentious bitch I felt the will to slap her multiple times multiple times during the movie (that repetition is on purpose). I guess that’s the point of the character, but did I enjoy what she brings to the story? No, I did not. And if you’re going to come at me with the “You can’t handle a strong female character” bullshit, you can merry well back the fuck off, because you don’t have to be an annoying a-hole to be a strong female character, or do you? Who’s the sexist one now?

Bourne meets old (not so much) friends. Some people get killed. Meaning, I didn’t give two fucks about those deaths. He plays with unusual weapons, as Bourne does, the fighting sequences are tight as they always are and a lot of shit gets destroyed. Fine. If MacGyver and Ali had a love child, that kid would be Jason Bourne, Matt Damon knows it, I know it, we all know it. And we’re all fine with it.

There’s also a shit-ton of loading screens. Seriously, it’s like we went back twenty years and tech is the new hot thing for the first time. I don’t know about you, but this all theme felt outdated to me, not like half a century outdated, but it’s like they took a bit too long to plan it and the script came out later than it should have. The movie tries to push the tech is evil and we’re all being watched plot as hot shit, but it just isn’t anymore, like it hasn’t been for three or four years by now. I’m not saying we shouldn’t tap on the matter, I’m just saying we should do it differently. Do better folks, just do better. This is not CSI: Cyber.

The thing about the new Jason Bourne. If you shut down your brain for a few minutes, it’s quite enjoyable. Which is something that pains me to write about Damon. I’m not saying that’s a movie made for idiots, neither that it is made by idiots. I’m just saying I wanted more and it didn’t deliver. Is it fun? Sure. Will you enjoy it? Hell yeah. Will you waste your time watching this? C’mon, if you have time to read this blog, I’m sure you can fit some Bourne in your schedule. Just kidding. It’s not a waste of your time, go, watch it, make up your mind about it and come challenge me in the comment box. I’ll just warn you, though, my left hook is Damon inspired.

Jason Bourne (2016)

9 thoughts on “Jason Bourne: It’s OK, I Guess

  1. Not a huge fan of this episode. Obvs if you don’t have loads of expectation, it’s fine but I really didn’t see the point of making another chapter. A bit disappointed I have to say 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I loved every single word. Honestly I was looking forward to watch on the big screen and when I did, well your words are just perfect: “I expected more! I expected it differently” and the IT girl… pfff a girl playing games with the big shots…pppffff again.
    Great post, straight and forward 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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